Posted 2 months ago

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I made sure to change my alarm to wake up the appropriate way for such an occasion.

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Posted 2 months ago

NSFW ponderings

Are you ever listening to music in the shower and randomly decide to masturbate, only to realise later what you were listening to while you were wanking?

I’m so sorry Pandora’s Disney station. But you’re a bro for playing Won’t Say I’m in Love.

Posted 2 months ago

"Come enjoy some delicious hot cheesy puffs, kids…in HELL. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Posted 3 months ago

I’m a door-to-door salesperson and I see this sort of shit all the time.

How the hell am I supposed to sell pest control when I can’t make eye contact with potential clients and focusing on trying not to blink?

Posted 3 months ago

Bought myself an early birthday present. Been waiting ages for the paperback.

Posted 3 months ago

I had yet another dream with John Ratzenberger in it. I can’t even begin to explain how often that happens. Pretty decent bloke to guest star in my dreams, however, I guess.

Posted 3 months ago

Such a beautiful sight.

Posted 3 months ago

The best part of putting on sunscreen is saying “Simba” as you smear it on your forehead.

Posted 3 months ago

I don’t know what makes me the most excited about the 1st and 15th of every month: that I get paid for my new job or that a new episode of Welcome to Night Vale comes out.

…who am I kidding? Definitely WTNV.

Posted 4 months ago

221bootylover:

One time in 5th grade, I convinced this kid that I was a leprechaun on saint Patricks day because I have red hair, and at first he didnt believe me so I was like “if I wasn’t a leprechaun, why would I have all this spare change in my pocket?” And I reached into my back pocket and pulled out like 2 dollars worth of lunch money and his eyes lit up and he was so excited and then I leaned in real close and said “don’t tell anyone” and I handed him a quarter and to this day I’m still a huge fucking liar.

I tried to do with the little speech box, but it was too long. oh well.

My mum was an enabler. There were two major lies I’d tell kids at my school and she always backed me up. 1. I am secretly an alien dropped off as a baby and my mum took me in. She’d tell kids to keep it quiet or the government would take me away. They totally believed it. 2. I have a speech impediment that was super bad as a kid and people were fucking stupid and kept asking me if I was from Britain. (I’m American.) So I finally started saying Yes, yes I was, and actually my mother and I travelled from England to make it on our own and not depend on “Great Aunt Lizzie” anymore. My mum would say she missed the palace. For practically my entire elementary schooling, a host of children thought I was an alien and Queen Elisabeth was my great aunt. Hell. If anyone asks, we still tell them that.

Posted 4 months ago

I am so disappointed right now.

So much potential. Wasted.

This looks fucking stupid and nothing like the book, which was what I dearly wanted.

But that’s just my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me, and be excited for this film, and eager to see it because you think it looks amazing. I’ll be happy that you’re happy with it, even if I am personally not.

Posted 4 months ago
Posted 4 months ago

So, due to rereading a beloved book, I decided to check out the Chuck Palahniuk tag, expecting…I don’t know. Something other than what I found. Because, instead, what I found was, more often than not, the same handful or so of quotes repeated in different ways, some just as quotes, some connected to pictures which I’m assuming are meant to make it artistic. There were a few exceptions, of course, but really it seemed to be, basically, the same posts over and over again. I was sort of disappointed. =/

It got better the further down I scrolled, but really just not enough to interest me. Oh well.

Posted 4 months ago

you know who would have made a great American Watson?

finalproblem:

mynameisgrey:

iheartrogues:

fwips:

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Hey Sherlock, get over here, man.

I found some

Fresh Prints.

Now this is a story all about how

My life got flipped, turned upside down

And I’d like to take a minute, just hold my Glock

I’ll tell you how I became the friend of a man named Sherlock

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

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Posted 4 months ago

You ever just wake up one day, and everyone around you just seems to have a hornet up their butthole, and you’re just like, “Whatevs bro,” while sipping your tea and reading your* Chuck Palahniuk?